“ Today, though? What I want from Apple today is not new product categories. I would rather they put all those brilliant engineers to work fixing bugs and maintaining the apps that I use. That’s what would really make my life better. ”
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
This planet has — or rather had — a problem, which was this: most of the people on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.
My apologies. I have been remiss in my duties and have failed to keep you updated with all the important handshake news from around the world. Here’s some shakes that have been hanging around in my todo list for a while:
For a few years now I’ve been collecting evidence that the robots are planning to destroy us all, in the hopes it might persuade the world’s governments that they need to act now to prevent the robot apocalypse.
This robot looks fairly innocuous. Cute, even—he’s just hungry after a hard day’s work at the car factory, and doesn’t want the bother of having to cook a full meal—until the human minion doing the talking casually drops in the fact that, “He uses spinning lasers.” (At the two minute mark.)
“ And if you’re OK with the film playing you for a sap, you’ll laugh and clap and wonder how that bird got into that hat. But if you think there’s a difference between being tricked and being cheated, you may feel swindled. ”
I got more entertainment from the line quoted above than I did from any part of the two-hour shambles that is Now You See Me.
The following—from commenters on the review—also tickled me:
the movie was super fun right up until they broke their own rules and pulled an ending out of their ass that was completely nonsensical.
This is a completely honest review. The final twist is utterly absurd and out of left field, as well as unnecessary. It also doesn’t make any sense.
If you are amongst the seventy-one percent of Rotten Tomatoes users that liked this film, then I am ashamed to have you as a reader what is wrong with you that film is SO BAD. (Although still not the worst film I have seen in the past fortnight.)
“ Pulling into the parking lot, I see a young couple standing by their car, looking over their hood at an emu. The emu is trying to circle over to their side to ask them a question. They are circling in the same direction, skeptical of the bird’s intentions. It’s not clear how long this dance has been going on, but the couple seems happy to see me, while the emu is frankly delighted. He abandons his pursuit and heads over to my car with what I can’t help but notice are very rapid strides. The couple is watching me with a mixture of relief and curiosity as I step out of the car, propelled by some kind of idiot bravado. They have been wondering for some time now what happens when you let the emu reach you, and I am about to demonstrate it for them. I feel a sudden longing to get inside the visitors’ center. ”
I’ve linked to Cegłowski’s sublime-but-irregular blog Idle Words before, but it bears repeating: he is one of the best writers on the web. I wish he would quit that silly Pinboard thing and commit to writing full time, even if it did mean I’d lose all my web bookmarks.
Strictly speaking, this isn’t really a POV video, as I’m pretty sure that eagles cannot see the back of their own head the whole time they are flapping around. Instead you will have to imagine you are riding the eagle like Gandalf. I think you will survive.