Wales vs Namibia
Due to circumstances outside our control, our increasingly inaccurately named “liveblog” series on the Welsh campaign at the Rugby World Cup is now running over a game behind schedule. IT IS STILL, AWESOME, THOUGH. As always, these words are mine, and [these words are Tom’s].
Wales seem to be playing Shane Williams at inside centre. That’s… interesting. Oh, it’s some other S. Williams. Never mind then. [No two ways about it, Wales are expected to Haskell-DOMINATE Namibia today. Even with the B team. So, points, performance, poise, and no injuries—no pressure boys!]
Commentating are Martin Gillingham and a Welshman! (Michael Owen, no, not that one.) Ref is Steve Walsh, “formerly of New Zealand, now of Australia.”
From the kick-off, Wales are awarded a scrum. The Namibian facing The Best Rugby Player in the World™, Gethin Jenkins, collapses the scrum immediately, and Jones pops over the ensuing penalty:
Wales 3 - 0 Namibia
Good ’tache Namibia No 5. [With a ginger handlebar like that, you may well make it into the Hair XV my good man. Sterling effort.]
Tavis Knoyle appears to be able to pass without first running sideways five feet. His pass isn’t very quick though. Seems to have an actual wind-up.
Good simple Welsh move releases Leigh Halfpenny and then not-Shane tears down the line for a try in the corner. Jones’s conversion attempt hits the post.
Wales 8 - 0 Namibia
Warburton to the Namibian No. 7’s face, “Don’t argue!” It knocks him so far backwards he has to pretend that he was deliberately running out to join the backs’ defensive line.
After Wales give away a couple of penalties, Namibia have a lineout just outside the Welsh 22. Wales steal it, spin it out, and then not-Shane kicks the ball straight into touch from outside the 22. As the players line up for the set piece, Gillingham says, “Not often that Luke Charteris can look across the lineout and look a man straight in the eye.” He can’t do it today, for example, because he’s on the bench.
Namibia manage to lose about 50 yards through a string of handling errors.
Gillingham says, “Leigh Halfpenny finding himself on the opposite wing, so to speak.” Not sure what he means by the “so to speak”, as 1/2p was indeed on his opposite wing.
Brew goes over for a try. Jones converts.
Wales 15 - 0 Namibia
Ryan Jones charges down a kick, and after a chase, Wales are awarded a penalty about 5 metres out. Ryan Jones takes it quickly, and Faletau scores. [Not-Ryan] Jones converts.
Wales 22 - 0 Namibia
[We’re about a point a minute thus far. Haskell-y.]
Several Namibians are wearing yellow boots. They are really ugly. We get to listen to Steve Walsh telling off the front rows; regardless of his current nationality, he sounds pretty Kiwi to me.
Gillingham on Namibia: “They’ve got a real mountain to climb.” Then he gets gets a bit unsure whether or not the mountain is actually real, and adds, “Metaphorically, I would say.”
If Namibia could just stop dropping the ball, they’d look alright in attack. This time round they’re awarded a penalty 40-odd yards out. Then ITV Player decides I should start watching the game again from the start. Luckily I just happened to glance at the game clock a few moments ago, so after watching all the adverts for a second time I’m able to fairly quickly get back to roughly the same point in the footage. Then it does it again. I become fairly irritated at this point.
When I eventually get to stop watching adverts, Kotze misses the kick. Michael Owen has a strange and impressive ability to talk for an exceedingly long time without finishing a sentence. He’d be good on Just a Minute.
Wales seem to have gone off the boil a bit. They keep giving away penalties, scrums, the ball, etc. It’s been all Namibia for the past 5 mins (game time) or 20 mins (real time for me, thanks to all ITV Player’s bloody restarts.)
Owen on Faletau: “He’s grown and grown with every game and become a big player for Wales.” Nice turn of phrase; I like the pair of linked metaphors. Or does he mean literally? Was Faletau only 5ft 4in before the World Cup started? [I think he’s been sizeable for a while now. As Scott Quinnell would say “He’s a big boy, I could play on the see-saw with him.”]
As Jonathan Davies passes the ball way too far forwards and Ryan Jones bats it away with one hand, Gillingham exclaims joyfully: “Ooooh terrific hands!” Walsh calls it back for an earlier high tackle, and Jones kicks for touch and an attacking lineout. Wales win it, (almost by mistake; Burns completely missed his jumper,) but then give away a penalty for not releasing after a tackle.
Now ITV Player is doing a thing where the on-screen controls appear at the bottom of the display, obscuring some of the action, freeze, and refuse to go away.
Wales give away some more penalties.
With just under ten minutes left in the half, Wales come back to life and put together a series of phases. Eventually, Namibia come off-side and Walsh penalises them. Wales elect to take a scrum. Then they’re awarded a free kick, take another scrum, and are penalised themselves. [Walsh chooses this moment to deliver a lecture to the two captains about the consistently collapsing scrums. He uses these actual words: “I need someone to take ownership of what’s going on.” Take ownership? This is an unforgivable encroachment of management speak onto the rugby field and Walsh should be ashamed.]
Byrne makes a fine catch from a high ball under pressure, but then gets smashed in a tackle, and fails to release the ball. Kotze’s kick hits the post! Unlucky. Wales attack from deep. Brew gets hit so hard that both he and the tackler ping about a foot off the ground.
Wales advance as far as the half way line, but then a kick ahead gets away from Brew and bounces into touch to end the half.
Half time score: Wales 22 - 0 Namibia
[That points/time ratio has suffered over the last 20. Like me, it seems that Wales have gone to sleep a bit in the last few minutes, and, unlike me, they don’t have the excuse that it’s a 6am kick-off where they are. (WYWG: Wait, what? This game started at the civilised time of 7:30am in the UK. Where were you watching it? Somewhere off the west coast of Africa?) ]
Stats! Wales have have 58% of possession but only 32% of territory. 100% of the points though!
Second Half
The Namibian 15, Botha, starts the second half with a great kick for touch.
Wales win another cocked up lineout. They attack, but are pulled up for crossing.
Wales win a lineout that ITV didn’t show, (borrowing directors from the Beeb, perhaps?) and then attack. Great run from Jonathan Davies. They make it almost as far as the Namibian try line, but then Brew loses the ball in the tackle and Namibia turn it over.
Namibia win a defensive scrum, but the ball comes out earlier than their scrum half expects and Knoyle scoops it up. Wales attack for a couple of phases, and then three Namibians fail to tackle not-Shane, and he goes over for his second try of the match. S. Jones hits the conversion.
Wales 29 - 0 Namibia
WHAT THE HELL IS ANDY POWELL DOING ON THE PITCH? [One of life’s imponderables…]
Wales (Powell, in fact), take a quick throw-in, Jonathan Davies gives the ball to The Best Rugby Player in the World™, and Jenkins scores a scintillating solo try, as described by friend-of-WYWG-Rhys thus: “The fend, the dummy, the gas, the dragging of the two final defenders over the line. Awesome.” [Gethin upgraded to “Greatest Man Alive” instantaneously.]
Wales 36 - 0 Namibia
Wales looking a lot better this half. But then all of a sudden Esterhuyse intercepts the ball, offloads to Koll, who beats Burns to the try line and scores in the corner! Namibia are right back in this thing! While we watch the reply, Owen cynically points out that there may have been a [teensy] spot of [flagrant] crossing involved in the build up to that one. No one cares, though. [Perhaps not even Wales…]
Wales 36 - 7 Namibia
Nothing happens for a while. With 20 mins left, Larson is sin binned for… I’m not sure, actually. Scrummaging poorly? Think I nodded off for a minute there. [I think he was binned for being called Raoul, which is a very un-Namibian name, and for looking like an extra off the Munsters.]
Someone tackles Gethin Jenkins hard. That would never happen if he were fully fit. Jenkins stays down for a while, but after a spot of treatment he pops back up, [because he is INDOMITABLE!]
George North! (on for Brew) slides through the Namibian defence, and scores a try.
Wales 43 - 7 Namibia
Immediately after the restart, North breaks the line. His pass looks like it’s going to ground, but Alun Wyn Jones plucks it off his toes. Jonathan Davies is there is support, and runs in the try.
Wales 50 - 7 Namibia
Wales looking dominant now. ITV flash up a “tackles made” stat: Wales 28 - 116 Namibia. [That sounds very tiring…]
Jonathan Davies offloads the ball backhanded. Byrne cuts inside, beats several defenders [as he zig-zags in what seems to be a pretty random/aimless fashion,] and then slings the ball up into the air as he’s tackled. George North! charges on-screen to receive the pass and the Namibians can’t bring him down. [George North!, putting the “impact” into impact sub. Lovely try.]
Wales 57 - 7 Namibia
Immediately after the kick-off George North! again breaks the line. Then he does a little hop step, and then, as the Namibians can’t tackle him, he decides to show them mercy and just lies down for no reason. [Team Namib really need to kick it to someone else from re-starts. Whilst he may not (yet) be the North Walian messiah that some proclaim him to be, George North! is pretty damn effective against a tiring team who are already 40/50 odd points down…]
Wales attack again, and after a number of good attacking phases, not-Shane Williams goes over the line for his hat-trick. [Unnecessary brandishing of three fingers as he slides over. Whilst it’s not quite the “Ash-Splash” in terms of heinous over-celebrating, nevertheless I’m sure the decorously undemonstrative T. Faletau would not approve.]
Wales 64 - 7 Namibia
Du Plessis is awarded man-of-the-match. He’s made 20 tackles. That’s quite a few tackles. [Cut to to Du Plessis on the bench looking really genuinely chuffed. Obvs, Gethin is the real MOTM (for which read MOT-Century/Millenium/etc).]
The Welsh scrum suddenly comes together and they drive the Namibians back in two successive scrums. Powell picks up, and uncharacteristically passes it [effectively] to Lloyd Williams, who scores.
Wales 69 - 7 Namibia
…
Wales 74 - 7 Namibia
Namibia kick the restart straight into touch. Welsh scrum on the halfway line with a minute to play.
Wales attack as time runs out. Namibia defend desperately, but they’re just not good enough. AWJ pulls off a nice spin move and downs the ball. Priestland makes the conversion after having missed the last few.
Final Score: Wales 81 - 7 Namibia
[So, just about returned to a point-a-minute by the end. A well deserved happy finish for the Welsh, so to speak.]
Conclusion: I don’t have much to say about that. Wales looked really good for the first quarter and second half, and they scored lots of tries. But in this match, anything less would have been a disappointment. Namibia may be spirited, but sadly they’re just not very good. Tom?
[Uno: I am mildly perturbed that the serious scoring didn’t start until Spooky Raoul got sinbinned. We really shouldn’t need a man advantage to put away Namibia. On to Fiji—we never have any trouble with them right?]
[Due: Aforementioned ’tache plus Jacques Burger’s shaggy perm—solid contributions on the tonsorial front from Namibia. Marvellous.]
[Tre: GETHIN!!!]
