Dear Walkers,

The packet of Walkers Cheese & Onion crisps which I purchased today in the Blackheath branch of Greggs the bakers turned out, in fact, to contain only Ready Salted crisps, MASQUERADING as Cheese & Onion. I ate them anyway, as we are all aware that “Ready Salted can’t be faulted” but I cannot deny I was disappointed.

However, I’m writing not so much as to complain, per se, but more in the spirit of enquiry. I simply cannot FATHOM how it is possible for a packet clearly marked as “Cheese & Onion” to be filled with a plainer variety of crisp at the factory. Surely once the virgin crisps are separated out into those who will be salted and those who will be cheese & onioned, their paths do not cross again until they meet on the shop shelf?

I am genuinely intrigued, so if you could find it in your heart as to enlighten me, I would be THOROUGHLY grateful and would certainly continue to recommend your crisps and other savoury items (Maize snacks are a particular favourite.) to my friends.

Any small token of recompense you may feel obliged to offer me to help mask the very mild but nonetheless bitter tang of distress caused by the unexpected-flavour-induced shock would of course also be gratefully received; I do so enjoy your products.

I have enclosed the packet in question in case there are any advanced potato forensics which you can apply in order to diagnose the cause of this oddity. I have folded into a little triangle for your convenience and DELIGHT.

Yours faithfully,

Richard Cheng