In the alternative
Squashed came up with a suggestion for what should done with the shoe thrower.
But then he had a better idea:
If my previously suggested sentence for Muntadhar “The Shoe Thower” al-Zaidi is too boring, I could offer an alternative.
- Sentence al-Zaidi to having two shoes thrown at him by Bush.
- Bush, citing his busy scheudule, declines to go back to Iraq to throw the shoes, but says he’ll send somebody over to do it for him.
- While there is speculation at who Bush will choose, Iraqis can argue over whether al-Zaidi should be allowed to dodge.
- Bush can choose some hall-of-fame baseball pitcher with a hundred-mile-per-hour fastball.
- Announce that al-Zaidi should be allowed to dodge.
- Make sure a clip of that pitcher throwing a wingtip at a watermelon appears on YouTube. The watermelon should explode.
- Just before the shoe-throwing, the Bush Administration should complain that in Western culture, shoes don’t carry the same level of insult.
- Eliminate the shoes. Pies instead. Probably an apple pie. Or maybe an entirely new, entirely delicious kind of pie that will henceforth be known as the al-Zaidi.
I’ve always wanted to see an international dispute handled this way. This is one of the reasons nobody lets me handle international crises.
