While You Were Gone, Daily

Pet Hate

When Americans call the British newspaper the London Times, presumably due to some assumed correlation with the New York Times, or just to distinguish it from the same.

Sometimes, realising that this isn’t quite right, they call it the Times of London, which, although slightly better, still implies that “of London” is part of the name of the newspaper. cf. the way other British newspapers never seem to have the word London inserted into their names. e.g. “the British newspaper the Independent”.

Americans! Stop doing that!

I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller

But wait, I heard you all ask, when I described Flinder Boyd last week as a WYWG-Favourite, what’s so great about Flinder?

Apart from his name, obviously.

Well, I told you before but as you obviously weren’t listening, I’ll tell you again.

Flinder has a blog and it’s genuinely fantastic. He intersperses silly but amusing posts, such as his recent email and YouTube campaign to play for Arsenal, with intelligent, candid, funny, and occasionally poignant posts about his life as a “d-list basketball star”.

For example, this piece, where he compares being an unemployed athlete to waiting for a bus and wonders why he does it.

Or this post, about losing the final game of the season:

We headed to the locker room dejected, and waited for confirmation from the other game that we had, in fact, been relegated. I slowly pulled off my sweat-soaked jersey and shorts and headed to the shower with the other players surrounded in silence, under a cloud the scent of abject failure.

Standing there naked with the water pouring over my head I heard a scream from the other side of the locker room. I turned my head swiftly thinking there was a fight between players. Then I heard more screams and the walls reverberated with excitement. The general manager came running to the entrance of the shower yelling the final score of the other game. They had lost, a last second shot had sealed their fate, and only a monumental collapse from the only team more pathetic than us had saved our season.

As the news came in, one guy on his way to the shower took a 5 gallon jug of gatorade and drenched the coach as we looked on from the shower and cheered. The general manager came in with a bottle of champagne and sprayed it everywhere. One guy grabbed him and threw him in the shower soaking his suit as we jumped up and down around him in celebration.

There we were, 10 grown men, naked, smiles as wide as a 6 ton truck, screaming at the top of our lungs and high-fiving each other in the middle of the shower after losing by 25 points at home. Celebrating the fact, that although we were inept and useless there was still one team more hopeless than us.

Where else can you read insights into an professional sportsperson’s life like that? Nowhere else, is where.

Some other recent hits:

• This post where he elicits an email from the Dorchester Hotel that implies he might be able to bring his pet donkey with him to stay.

• This post where he likens the L.A. Clippers to “a bald-headed step child”, and explains why it’s good to root for a terrible team:

  But imagine if we actually beat a good team, guess what? Party time! If we beat a bad team, guess what? Party time! So do the math, 82 games in the season even if we just win 20 and lose 62…guess what? 20 parties a year, every win is celebration time for the fan of a bad team. Who needs a championship when you can party 20 times a year. Of course your expectations have to be low, and if you support a team like the Clippers you don’t only judge a single game in terms of a win or loss, you judge it if they beat the spread. For instance, the Lakers are supposed to beat the Clippers by 10 points and we only lose by 7, fantastic. Not a win, but we can say things like, ‘man, we had that game, just a little bad luck at the end.’

• This post where he explains why Thierry Henry’s “hand of frog” wasn’t cheating, with terrific video examples of both a). cheating, and b). a handball.

• This post a detailed explanation of the problems facing City Hall in its attempts to fund local sports facilities in London, completely serious apart from the reference to Boris Johnson as “BoJo”.

What’s that you say? I’ve just posted links to every single post he’s made in the past six months?

I rest my case.

Oh yeah, and there’s some posts about music; I completely ignore those.

GB Roster for Euro 2011

In slightly cheerier British basketball news, Britball reported back in May that WYWG-favourite Flinder Boyd made the roster for team GB’s squad for its qualifying campaign for Eurobasket 2011.

Other notable* names on the list are current NBA players Luol Deng and Ben Gordon, Kieron “Length” Achara, Pops Mensah-Bonsu, Mike Lenzly, Germayne “I gotta get my stance right” Forbes, “Jared” Hart, and Nate “Top Rankin’” Reinking.

Peep Britball’s post for the full list.

* to me

Worst Spam Ever?

A while ago, I received the following comment on this post:

i like it.

Bathmate

“Cool,” I thought to myself. “Someone out there liked my post!” And I naively wrote, “Thanks!” in response.

Months later, I stumbled across the comment again, and this time its phrasing struck me as a little odd. So I had a look at the commenter’s profile on Disqus, the site which powers comments here on WYWG.

It is fishy, no? All his comments say basically the same thing: “Its really nice post….” or “Very Nice posting,” and many of them are actually identical.

So, I did a google search on the commenter’s name to see if he’s got any other presence on the web. Whereupon I discovered that Bathmate is in fact not a person, but instead a penis enlargement pump.

This has to be a first. Spam that includes no link to the product being sold, and that relies on the reader to google the spammer’s name as their response to a fairly mundane comment. Surely not the most effective technique for reeling in the punters.

The Bechdel Test

A film* passes the The Bechdel Test if:

1. It has at least two women in it, who,

2. Talk to each other about,

3. Something besides a man.

It’s named after Alison Bechdel, who popularised the rule—apparently formulated by her friend Liz Wallace—in the comic strip Dykes to Watch Out For.

Subsequently, it has had additions made by Alas! A Blog, that the two female characters must have names, and by Charles Stross**, that the conversation must also not be about marriage or babies.

Think about how many films you’ve seen recently that pass the test. Depressing, huh?

Further reading:

Talk to Her is a film review site which puts its subjects to the test, and the Bechdel Test Movie List is a site that lists movies that pass, fail, or get some way towards passing the test.

* Or, in fact, any piece of fiction.

** Stross also links to several interesting related articles in his follow-up post.

nostrich:

nsbarr:

Exploring Tumblr today, I accidentally ended up getting a funny little ribbon on the bottom-right corner of my avatar. This signified that I had donated money to Haiti relief, which I hadn’t done. To remedy the situation, I tried to remove the ribbon. This proved to be impossible. Left with no other options — except hypocrisy — I gave some money to Doctors Without Borders.

A bad user experience created a good outcome. Go Tumblr!

PS: I really do wish I could easily remove this ribbon. It’s not a big deal, but I just don’t like:

1. Joining some faceless online army for any reason
2. Changing — or even noticing — my avatar. Avatars are like small, mean mirrors that pop up on your computer screen with minimal warning. I guess this is rooted in deeper issues.
3. Gestures of support that inevitably conclude. Remember when Iran had that election and everyone on Twitter made their avatar green? I don’t see any more green avatars. At this point, a green avatar would be ridiculous and dated. But I would hate to be the Twitter user deciding who, for the sake of aesthetics and timeliness, changes their avatar back to normal and in so doing essentially withdraws support from Iranian dissenters.

PPS: I might have donated money anyway, even without the ribbon! But we’ll never know. The events that transpired rendered impossible any understanding of my own actions; forever — at least in this particular case — closing the door to self-knowledge.

I did the same thing and had more or less exactly the same objections. Not a complaint — seems over the top to complain about something like this, given the circumstances — just a nod to Tumblr: this was confusing! The donation links don’t even look like links.

Tint your avatar Tumblr-blue if you think this is an outrage!

Yup. They got me this way, too.* I kinda hope this was a deliberate design decision, so that I can think of it as deviously clever, as opposed to just poorly thought out.

I hope they do unveil some way to revert your avatar at some point in the future. Having to have the ribbon on there forevermore seems like a bit of a pain.

* I probably would’ve donated without this extra impetus, but this way they** got my money quicker.

** Médecins Sans Frontière, because they have the coolest name.

squashed:

When I was very young my mother drafted a letter to her editor, whose name had slipped her mind. As a place holder, she wrote, “Dear Bozo”. She forgot to change this. And, when awkwardly explaining her Dear Bozo letter, she blamed me. “My kids were messing around on the computer.”

I don’t hold a grudge—because I learned a valuable lesson. Be very careful with place holders. When I’m drafting a pleading, for example, I should not write “Judge Judgeypants” no matter how tempting it is.

Judgey McJudgerson would also be a good placeholder.

Serbia vs Great Britain

So, apparently I enjoyed tape-delay-blogging the game last night so much that I am going to do it again tonight.

It’s GB’s last chance to stay in the competition, playing the Serbian team that shocked Spain in the first game of the tournament.

Aaaand I miss basically the entire first quarter because the red button stops working on my Sky box. I try watching it online instead, but it takes me 10 minutes to find the live stream on the BBC website (Yes kids, playing with computers is essentially my job, but I still can’t make the effing things work.) Then when I do find it, there is no sound, and the picture is too small and choppy to see the player’s shirt numbers.

Eventually I beat my Sky box into submission, and I tune in with a minute left to play in the first. Serbia 19 - 9 GB.

“Nate” Ryan King swishes a three, Serbia grab a two and Robert Archibald clanks a three to close out the first. 21-12. Another slow start from GB, or are Serbia just much better than us?

First GB play of the second quarter, fast break alley oop, Nate to Pops.

GB turn it over. According to Meech and his fellow commentator, this has been the theme of the game so far.

Pops knocks a Serb flying in the paint and slams it home. With authority! The only Serb I know the name of is (NBA player) Nenad Krstic, and I’m not even sure I know how to spell his name. “A Serb” is going to be a key player tonight, I feel.

GB are bringing the energy this quarter.

Apparently Spain beat Slovenia earlier and are in the second round. They blew a big fourth quarter lead, though, and needed an overtime to get the job done.

Archibald seems a bit more lively today. Still looks like he’s running through glue, though. He hits some free throws and GB are within 2. 22-20.

Serbia three followed by a GB turnover.

Nate takes his man off the dribble and hits a jumper. 25-22

Joel Freeland with the ball, his back to the basket, gets it taken away from him by a Serb standing behind him. Easy fast break for the Serbs.

After Krstic hits a wiiide open mid range jumper, Andrew Sullivan dunks on three Serbs. That’s why he’s the captain.

Freeland appears to be out for the count after that steal. He’s hobbling slowly to the locker room, holding his back.

Pops draws an off the ball foul on Velickovic, but misses both free throws. Lane violation—he misses the third, too.

Pops attempts to score on his own and throws up an airball, but redeems himself immediately at the defensive end with a big block after a Serb offensive rebound.

Serbia aren’t scoring masses of points more than GB, but they look much better. They have much more ball movement at the offensive end and are driving well too. GB look a lot more laboured on offense, and defense seems flimsy. They’re getting some fast-break points, though, which I don’t really recall last night.

My man Flinder crosses over a Serb and hands it off to Pops under the basket for the bucket, with 12 seconds left in the half.

Teodosic hits a circus shot at the buzzer. Gaah.

GB are shooting 50% from three, and 50% from the line. Why do we suck at free throws? We also have ten turnovers to Serbia’s four.

Nate Reinking leads GB with 9 points at the half. The Serb Tepic has 10, and Krstic and Pops Mensah-Bonsu both have 8.

Halftime score: Serbia 39 - 29 GB.

I just looked Pops up on Wikipedia. His full name is Nana Papa Yaw Dwene Mensah-Bonsu. Impressive. Nana Papa Yaw Dwene Goutte?

GB come out fast in the third and cut the lead to 6.

A few people have those air horn things in the crowd. It is very irritating.

Kieron Achara checks in for the first time with 7:41 on the clock. Apparently he didn’t play at all in the first game. Not sure why he’s getting such limited minutes considering his performance last night. (And of course his length, mobility.)

Pops fires up an errant three point attempt with 5 left on the shot clock. He is a loose cannon!

Serbia extend their lead to 11, and have a free throw after this time out.

Chris Finch says the problem is that too many guys are “not doing anything.” He suggests they try “playing unselfishly for a little bit,” which seems to irritate Meech and amuse his colleague. If they don’t stop blowing those horns I am going to stab someone.

Serbia are better at basketball than us. Hopefully our new tactic of “playing unselfishly” will win out nonetheless.

GB cannot defend the pick and roll.

Flinder gets hit in the chops and knocked to the floor but bounces right back up. Warrior!

Tepic swishes a three and Serbia are up 13.

Perovic can’t guard you, Betts! Take it to the hole! Okay maybe he can.

Someone gets a tech. No-one seems to know why. Tripkovic hits both and Serbia get it back: 52-39.

Ryan King comes back in, scores a two, and then a three: 55-44.

Krstic takes the last shot of the quarter and GB are down 58-44. Things not looking good for the Brits. Methinks this next ten minutes will be their last of the tournament.

GB are now shooting 67% from three, but still only 50% from the free throw line. Ugh.

First GB possession of the quarter. Miss. Sullivan grabs an offensive rebound and Archibald draws a foul.

Serbia reply with a three.

Sullivan grabs another offensive rebound on the next trip down the floor, and GB draw another foul. Still no actual points yet, though.

Krstic fakes Pops out of his shoes. Pops clobbers him on the way back down and gets called for an intentional foul: 64-46.

Lenzly stops the rot with a three, but there’s less than seven minutes left on the clock and a 15 point deficit to recover.

Archibald attempts to dribble the ball between his legs at the top of the key and gets stripped. That’s just embarrassing, big guy.

Pops has two free throws. Splits them, and is now two of six from the line.

I don’t think Nate is our best offensive player, but he certainly looks the best. He hits a tough jumper, and Meech criticises him implicitly by pointing out you don’t win tournaments by hitting tough shots. It’s getting easy ones that count!

Pops induces a five second violation from Krstic and the commentator gets very excited. Archibald hits a free throw and we’re back within… uh… thirteen. With 4:36 left to play.

Meech is now calling Nate, “Rankin”. The other commentator is pronouncing Teodosic “Tedeosic”, but for all I know that’s how its actually pronounced.

Two dunks in a row for GB. The commentator makes a point of noting how many hands were used for each. (Two.)

GB are pressing hard now, and as Meech points out, the Serbs look uncomfortable. They still have an 11 point lead, though, with three minutes left.

Hart tackles a Serb to the ground, rugby style. The commentator praises his positioning, but he’s still called for the foul.

GB call a timeout. 2:45 on the clock. 13 points behind.

The Serbs seem to have figured out our pressure defence. Wide open three. 73-57.

Hart hits a two, followed by two Serb free throws, and it’s 75-59 with a minute to play. Serbia hit another couple of free throws, and dribble out the clock.

GB finished the game at 63% from deep and still 50% from the line. Nate led all scorers with 21, Pops had 16. In general, a much less convincing performance. The BBC are reduced to including a shot of a cheerleader’s shaking ass in their highlight round-up. Still, we had our moments, and I’m inclined to agree with Meech’s summary: “We’re now good enough that we can’t be satisfied with close.” It turns out the other commentator is named Ronald Macintosh.

Conclusion: I still can’t touch type, Sky are ripping me off, and the next person I see with an air-horn is going to get throttled.

Final Score: Serbia 77 - 59 GB

Spain vs Great Britain

I watched the British basketball team take on Spain at the Eurobasket tournament last night, and was sending friend-of-WYWG Tom flippant comments via email. I got a bit carried away, and it turned into a running commentary, which I thought I may as well post here, for posterity.

Apart from the fact that I had called Jarrett Hart “Jared” throughout, it is basically unedited. It’s not exactly a liveblog, though, as I’m posting it a day late. It is more of a tape-delay-blog. You also might like to have a look at Basketball 24/7’s news item for a more knowledgable take on the game…

We have a point guard named Nate. Nate. He sounds very British. He also has 2 fouls in the first minute. Spain 12 - 0 GB

Flinder has a pretty teardrop runner.

Pops in early foul trouble.

(Tournament favourites) Spain troubled us early with their full court press, but in the last 4 minutes of the quarter we got a bit of a rhythm going.

Robert Archibald is one tall Scot.

Joel Freeland is not bad.

Pops is bouncy.

Almost everyone on the GB team has two fouls.

End of 1st Quarter: Spain 25 - 15 GB

Odd that John Amaechi is the colour commentator when he’s stated many times that he doesn’t have any real interest in basketball.

Flinder is dope. I shall suggest that my sister names her upcoming baby boy after him. Flinder Goutte.

With 6 mins to play in the half Mike Lenzly streaks to the cup and the Spanish lead is cut to 7.

Lenzly hits a three pointer early in the shotclock and the lead is down to six. Spain reply immediately and it’s back up to eight. And now PowpowPAU! has two free throws + the possession.

Pau hits the first, misses the second, and then after Pops falls over in the paint gets it back at the other end for the hard dunk.

Pops falls over again, but this time the foul is called and he misses both free throws.

PRETTY move from former Spanish dunk champion Victor Claver and the lead is up to 13. Victor Goutte also a good potential nephew name. Not sure if he’ll be able to pull off Pops Goutte.

GB are using every second of the shot clock on most possessions. We have to fight for every basket. Spanish are getting lots of easy buckets. Spain 42 - 31 GB.

According to the commentators, (the Brit) Achara has good mobility, length.

“Chris Finch talking about fronting the post. That means that instead of playing behind they’ll step out in front.” Thanks for that insight, Meech.

Stats!

• Spain shooting 60% from the three(!),
• GB have a better shooting percentage for two pointers, though: 55%,
• Spain have seven (7) offensive rebounds,
• Gasol has 13 points. Pau Gasol, that is. Marc is also playing but is thus far a less prolific scorer. (Bit of a donkey.),
• Freeland and Lenzly are joint leading scorers for GB with 8 apiece.

Score at the end of the half: Spain 44 - 35 GB

The commentary and picture have cut out for half-time. I can hear Spanish voices, and the British supporters chanting “Who are ya? Who are ya?” Classy.

The half starts with Britain down nine. The commentator that isn’t Meech says that if Spain lose today they will be knocked out of the tournament, having lost their first game. That’s also true for GB, but I guess that was pretty much a given.

GB Captain Andrew Sullivan grabs an offensive rebound, puts it back AND gets the foul. I was not aware he was playing before that point. I don’t notice whether or not he hits the freebie in my excitement at discovering he exists.

Pau hits one and misses one to go precisely 50% from the line. 5/10. I could literally do better myself. I guess he has me beat for wingspan though.

GB are REALLY struggling with their inbounds passes. I have stopped referring to them as “we”.

Timeout. GB couch Chris Finch is ANGRY. The commentator apologises for the “industrial language”.

Achara blocks a dunk attempt by Marc Gasol (it’s the length, you see) and the commentator gets really excited. Marc keeps the ball, though, and Achara gets called for a foul on the second attempt. Spain up by eleven. Achara’s first name is Kieron. Boring.

Pau hits 2 free throws in a row! He’s 7/12 now.

Everybody on the GB front-line has lots of fouls. I’m concerned Flinder might have to guard Pau in the fourth quarter. Spain 55 - 39 GB.

Ricky Rubio has not impressed me so far. I am pleased he decided to sign with Barcelona instead of the Timberwolves.

Pau gets called for travelling. “Rules are rules, and they’re being called officiously tonight.” Someone British immediately gets called for travelling at the other end.

Joel Freeland scores a breakaway dunk. Raar. Spain 55 - 44 GB.

Dirty cheating Spaniard Jose Reyes gets a tech for a ridiculous flop off a GB inbounds. Nate hits a freebie—we’re only shown the second. GB immediately lose the ball at the following inbounds and Spain score an easy two.

Pau hits another two free throws. He is also still 7’ tall. I guess he is better than me after all. Spain 60 - 47 GB.

Pops gets carried away and now he’s got 4 fouls. Time for a bench break, Pops. Freeland and Archibald both also have 4 fouls.

Joel Freeland nabs a steal, Nate NAILS a running three and the Spanish lead is down to eight.

At this point, GB have actually scored more points than Spain in both the second and third quarters. Pity about that first quarter, eh?

Rudy Fernandez closes out the third with a three pointer.

Spain now have 62% from three. GB are FORTY percent from the free throw line. Both teams have ten (10) turnovers.

Spain 66 - 56 GB We’re still in it! (Just about.)

GB start the fourth by successfully inbounding the ball. Progress!

Nate’s surname is pronounced such that whenever the commentators mention him I think that they’re talking about “Ryan King”.

Jarrett Hart has good hustle. We’re up to 12 turnovers each 1:30 into the fourth.

Rudy gets a tech. Feisty Spanish! Ryan King misses the second, but apparently hit the first. (We—apparently the commentary are watching the same feed I am—didn’t see it.)

Ryan King scores an off-balance mid range jumper, AND ONE, and the commentator goes bananas.

Achara has 4 fouls too now.

Claver called for an offensive foul.

Jarrett Hart hits a three pointer and GB are within ONE. 7 minutes left to play. Spain have yet to score a point in the fourth. Spain 66 - 65 GB.

Lenzly nabs a steal and I am legitimately excited.

Lenzly hits a three pointer and GB lead for the first time in the game! Spain 66 - 68 GB with 6 mins to go.

Achara hits a long two. Spain 68 - 70 GB, and I’m on the edge of my seat.

Then he fouls out. Bummer. Good game, Kieron.

Timeout. Chris Finch has a potty mouth.

GB up one with five mins to play. Hart hits another 3 and we’re up FOUR. I’m calling GB ‘us’ again.

Sloppy pass from Lenzly: easy fast break dunk for Spain. Spain 71 - 73 GB.

GB Shotclock violation! Weaksauce.

“Oooh and what’s going on there? Little bit of afters.” No techs called for the mild mardiness. Meech approves of the swallowed whistles.

Pau Gasol hits a three and Spain are back up by one with 2:51 to play.

Flinder can’t make the inlet pass, has to make a rushed, blocked shot, and GB have turned it over three possessions in a row. Timeout.

Holy balls we’re within one with two and a half minutes left.

!!!!!

Pau hits a free throw, though, and we’re down two. Archibald gets caught underneath the basket and Spain get the ball back: 2:08 left.

Navarro hits a three. Spain up five. 1:24 left. I am dejected.

Hart called for travelling. They would never have called that in the NBA.

P-P-Pau hits a two with under a minute left and I decide it’s over. 80-73.

Spain have scored 11 unanswered points. 18.7 secs left. 81-73.

Hart hits a three. GB only two scores behind with 13.7s left. 81-76.

Rubio hits 2 from the line. 83-76

Ryan King misses a (well worked) three. And Juan Carlos Navarro has two free throws with 3.6 on the clock. The former NBA player, not the Panamanian politician. Hits the first. Misses the second.

“Nate” Ryan King hits a three a looong time before the final buzzer (according to the commentator—I didn’t hear it) but the ref waves it off. Gyp.

I can’t believe we lost! But I also can’t believe we got so close. That was ridiculously exciting. Admittedly Spain played like turd, though. They’re gonna have to pull their socks up a lot if they want to actually win the predicted gold medal for once. Or even get out of the first round, in fact. Fantastic hustle from the GB team, and I think Meech might be right when he says we’ll be looked at differently from now on. Especially when Deng and Gordon get back. I’ll be interested to hear what The Painted Area makes of this. Great stuff.

I was wrong about GB being knocked out. If we beat Serbia tomorrow (unlikely), we go through!

Conclusion: I need to massively improve my touch-typing if I decide to become a sports reporter.

Final Score: Spain 84 - 76 GB (but it felt closer.)